Queer Flagging 101: How to Use the Hanky Code to Signal the Intercourse You need to Have | Autostraddle

You’re drinking the too-sweet and too-strong cranberry beverage while look behind the arms while see them. They truly are bending up against the club counter, black colored shoes shining, hips tilted, a red bandana hanging out of their right pocket. They usually have a whiskey and look in the direction. You can observe their particular vision registering your face then taking a trip downwards, their particular gaze ongoing regarding the yellow handkerchief folded square and nice in your ripped denim jeans, in your remaining straight back pocket. They saunter over grinning at you and its causing you to smile nervously and expectantly. They get close and tip their own head while inquiring that nice, age-old question: “will you be flagging?”

And you are perhaps not completely certain whatever they’re writing on. Really, i am right here to simply help.

What’s flagging?

Flagging, and/or hanky signal, has been around for quite a while, some state since the gold rush. It shot to popularity in seventies whenever homosexual males made use of handkerchiefs using purse to signify intimate functions these were thinking about giving/receiving — often publicly parks or restrooms or just around the city.

I’m not a brief history specialist and I also’m merely planning to reveal: before going and products a navy handkerchief down the back wallet, you should try to review our very own record somewhat. You will find folks who have written about this along with increased detail sufficient reason for a lot more concept than i am able to gather — discover
this particular article on flagging background
and
this film anthology
“incorporating 25 shorts from various queer administrators globally, each telling a story based on a color/fetish associated with notorious hanky code.” I can not totally show just how essential truly to have nonverbal approaches to communicate all of our sex, the sex, our kinks. In a society — especially in the ’70s, but even now — the spot where the intercourse we would like is criminalized or regarded as more “perverted” compared to gender cisgender heterosexuals are participating in, a handkerchief from inside the back pocket is a peaceful method to showcase the sexual deviancy in a global it doesn’t need to see it.

Because 1970s, the hanky rule happens to be acquired from people all around the sex spectrum. Some queer individuals recherche femme mure flag — using nail tone as opposed to handkerchiefs. It is still about and incredibly a lot lively and used by a number of folks, but hopefully never ever by cis directly men and women! Keep all of our handkerchiefs alone, dammit! You currently have undercuts and today harnesses; allow me to keep this.

That being said, a few of the functions which can be part of the old hanky rule are not fantastic — absolutely some that are racist at worst or tokenizing at best, thus I believe it really is fair to critique the rule. I also think it’s possible for something to be great in order to end up being problematic concurrently.

Im everything about that life. It really is an effective way to shop around the bar to see which may be upwards for most NSFW enjoyable. It started because, as well as in my sincere viewpoint should stay, a cruising instrument. Meaning an effective way to symbolize you are interested in relaxed gender or a particular variety of intercourse. I am not right here to police you sporting a handkerchief out as a talking point or since you are making an effort to signal to your significant other you would like a particular particular sex after the club, but in addition there is a reason there isn’t a flag for platonic chatting. Or cuddling. Or veganism – as
Chingy, a great flagging specialist
, has spoken of. It really is for gender. This is the point.

Tips Flag

Flagging is not a method to bypass permission. Personally I think like this should go without saying but I am stating it in any event!

You can flag! actually get a handkerchief of your color choosing and put it inside wallet! I’ve seen them folded, wrinkled, ironed, I’ve seen all of them covered in fat and even some that have been covered in “love fruit juice”

(this is exactly me wanting to perhaps not state your message come/cum).

YDY.

Put the handkerchief in back correct wallet in case the contemplating
receiving/bottoming
that sexual work, and left for
giving/topping
. Some folks will connect a handkerchief around their unique throat to signify
switching
/into either obtaining or giving the intimate work. It’s that simple!

If someone features a hanky inside their pocket, there’s a high probability they truly are as a result of talk about it. Incorporate wisdom when initiating a conversation. Whenever drawing near to people who have hankies inside their pouches, a direct dialogue is best suited. You could only ask, “will you be flagging?” or “really does that purple handkerchief indicate what I believe it indicates?” Both have the discussion heading, set up individual is actually intentionally flagging.

What Can I Flag?

There really is no restriction here;
there’s a color for every sexual work
. Flagging is very good because it removes many stress and intensity of sexual functions, like something does not have to be BIG and MEANINGFUL or done with an important various other. Not too hookups cannot be huge and important often! But, pee on a stranger. Never overthink what feels good. Absolutely hundreds of more potential flagging options than these, but listed here is a number of my personal favorites to indicate and discuss. Even though this code ‘s been around for decades does not mean certain colors are not upwards for presentation. Even in the offered “meaning” of a specific color, there can still be a relatively wide range of potential activities it would possibly signal — flagging actually an alternative for a discussion about what particularly you and another flagging individual tend to be or are not into undertaking in this moment, nevertheless can signal that you are into opening that talk generally speaking.

Red: Fisting

Red is actually a vintage hanky shade! I think the thing I love about flagging reddish usually it will require the pressure off fisting to-be something mental and extreme. Fisting tends to be as casual as any intimate act. Possible fist/be fisted anally or vaginally. Fisting is actually a gender-neutral act! If you should be afraid of anal fisting you should not end up being! Butts tend to be wild(ly amazing).

Grey: Thraldom

This is exactly slavery, typically meaning lightweight thraldom — think some rope, a blindfold, ankle cuffs, being held down! Using the handkerchief within right-side suggests connect myself down and in the left pocket indicates allow me to tie you down.

Ebony: Heavy S&M

Absolutely more pain, more power than when flagging grey, such a thing from more challenging influence play, verbal teasing, spanking, bruising, becoming presented or tied up straight down in a manner that’s a level upwards from simply bondage.

Mild Pink: Dildo Play

A hanky throughout the remaining suggests you are the one using the toy and a hanky from the right indicates you are the only the doll will be made use of upon. I know want to flag this for not simply dildos but all kinds of toys, eg making use of a vibrator or the Njoy wand during intercourse.

Dark Pink: Tit Torture

You heard that right, the shade of color additionally matters in terms of the hanky rule. Dark green is actually enjoyable given that it implies tit torturer/tit torturee. I am aware this as everything from pinching and slapping to nipple clamps, breast suctions, breast piercing, or knife play on the chest area. This is certainly an excellent hanky to stress that despite this signal, you ought to connect purposes and objectives.

Green: A Few Things….

I wanted to include green as it implies a few different things all along side distinctive line of hustler/looking purchasing according to variation of eco-friendly (huntsman green, perfect, kelly eco-friendly, etc). Basically this means Daddy/Looking for a dad/Mommi hunter/looking for a mommy/etc. Whatever, eco-friendly indicates some sort of deal, and I also believe that until you’re a sex worker or trying hire a sex individual for your evening, you ought to be conscious of putting on this shade. Flagging is certainly much tied to stigmatized/criminalized sex, and this consists of gender work/sex workers, and frankly if you don’t have respect for and recognize that next don’t place a hanky inside wallet.

Yellow: Piss Enjoy

Whon’t want getting pissed on or piss in a buddy in a laid-back setting!

Orange: Down For Something

Down. For. Anything. SOMETHING. Why limit yourself! If worn in left wallet, it represents that you’re happy to lead the scene and used on right implies you’re down for regardless of the different person(s) have in mind.

White Velvet: Voyeur

White velvet is considered the most lavish tone! This implies you could be touring in an intercourse dance club for a show, that you like to view others engage in intercourse or delight themselves. Used regarding correct means you should put-on a show. This could be a fun thing to flag any kind of time type of orgy setting!

Dark Blue: Penetrator

Ahhhhh lovely and common navy blue! Simply DTF! Classic giver and device regarding entrance!

Coral: Foot Stuff

Worn as a leading, red coral means ‘suck my toes,’ a base leading! Worn as a base it indicates ‘let myself eat the feet.’ Coral could be translated as more than just mouth-on-foot motion. Place a toe (or feet) in an orifice!

Beige: Rim Opportunities

Beige is rim jobs which fancy, yes plz, also a good reason to always carry around
dental care dams
.

Where we banner can mean various things. People flag outside designated-cruising rooms as well as in their particular day-to-day. Queerness does not have any physical qualities therefore we
develop our personal signs
to track down both. Flagging has evolved, too; absolutely discussions of who was simply left out of flagging, which kinks and sexualities weren’t included and the ways to shift it so those that wish to engage can. I think this is exactly a remarkably legitimate conversation for, but maybe with limitations that are conscious of source of flagging. An individual desires to flag for friendship in the event you really be flagging after all?

We’re in a change, in which we no further need to travel in areas after midnight and can move to programs and the net to help get a hold of those that have similar passions. However, i believe there is something enduring and endearing about flagging, about finding each other in the real world.